06.04.08 | Psychology to Help You Negotiate with Jerks
Somebody once told me “never go to your boss with questions, always go with answers”. As I was arguing on the phone recently with my motorcycle repair shop’s jerky service manager it occurred to me th
at the same advice applies to negotiating with people about money , services or any other issue needing fixing. Basically, if you give people options rather than just simply complain and demand your way you are more likely to be happy with the results.
You see humans are a competitive species. Our very evolution is proof that we don’t like to lose. When you disagree with anybody there are more elements at play than the essential rightness or wrongness of the issue. Emotion, ego, weather and even the mustard stain on your shirt can all cloud things and serve to influence any conflict. If you complain and don’t tell the person what you want them to do to fix the problem you will go around in circles and end up nowhere. If you raise a problem then demand your way, the only out for the other person is to lose and nobody likes to feel like the loser. I find the best thing to do when you have a problem with a product or service is to do the following:
- Clearly state your problem or issue
- State what you expect the other party to do to fix the situation
- Offer an alternative choice or two that you might be willing to live with.
If you demand your way and offer other solutions which you could live with you are giving the person a way out of letting you win. You are subliminally painting in their mind the other options besides giving you your way. The thing is none of those options include “no”. With options they can give in and feel like neither of you completely won or lost.
In my case the mechanic promised not to charge me for something he did which I didn’t need done then when I got the bill he forgot about the promise and charged me anyway. I didn’t notice until I got home and reviewed the bill. I don’t think he forgot, I think he made a mistake and giving me my money back would entail him explaining to his boss that he screwed up. My approach was to call him and state my case to which he predictably acted like a jerk about because well, he is a jerk. I then told him I wanted a full refund and if that wasn’t possible I would accept a store credit or else be forwarded to the general manger to discuss options with him.
The reason I could accept a store credit is that I know I will need to have an oil change and service done in a month anyway. If he denied at least the store credit I would have never gone back and written a letter to the general manager explaining why and I told him that. He ended up giving me the credit rather than have me go to his boss and never come back. He sort of won because I didn’t get a refund but who cares, I get my money back in a month with the credit on service.
This advice can help you with your mechanic, boss, boyfriend or girlfriend or professors. The next time you have an issue that you need somebody to correct, try being clear about the issue and solution as you see it. Then paint the possible responses for them by defining alternative solutions. Odds are they will grab one of those and walk away feeling like they won. You just have to try not to smile until they’re gone.
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I had that similar experience but with a credit card company instead. They charged me a late fee for being two minutes past their online deadline. i called to find out if there was any way we could work this out.Like you I gave them an out.the customer service rep was very rude so I asked to speak to the manager. After she heard that i wanted to speak to the manager she decided to drop the extra fees. So your idea is brilliant. thanks for the advice.
June 9th, 2008 | #
My mom says to ALWAYS ask questions when in a difficult situation..direct questions she says so that the person pretty much has to speak the truth and not to forget to get names, dates, times..etc. She has recieved hundreds of dollars in free merchandise for complaining to companies in a very nice way and by asking tons of questions. Thanks for the artical..I guess Ma is right, again.
June 10th, 2008 | #
I always ask questions in a difficult situation so I can get clarity and not be confused
June 10th, 2008 | #
Giving options is a good way of not seeming more mature. One should also know what you’d expect from the other side.
June 10th, 2008 | #
Yes! I agree with using these forms of negotiating, if you will call it that. It’s a tool my mother taught me long ago, allow the problem to become there problem to fix.
June 10th, 2008 | #
Sweet
June 10th, 2008 | #
That was very good advice for me. About a year ago I had to have auto body repair done on my car, well needless to say the paint has chipped off the front bumper of my car and now the clear coat is coming on the left side. When I went back the first time I asked when they could fix this problem. The guy said that they would get back with me as soon as possible. Several months later I returned, and asked th same question. Once again I am playing the waiting game. I think that tommorow I will go see the gentlemen and let him know what day he will be fixing my car.
June 10th, 2008 | #
I am always told by my parents, ask questions if you do not understand.This is the only way you will get an answer or get the service you deserve. I am getting much better asking questions and of course learning to complain if something I am purchasing or inquiring about is not self-explanatory.
June 10th, 2008 | #
Yes, I agree with negotiating, but there are times when the person doesn’t want to negotiate and more than likely afraid or don’t want to lose a sale. This is when it can sometimes get diffcult or you do end up losing. This happened to me and I just walked away and ended up paying someone else later to fix the problem.
June 10th, 2008 | #
Thanks for the advise. I do agree with negotiating, but there are times when negoatiating doesn’t help. When this happens instead of dragging it out I’ve walked away and paid someone else to correct the problem. I don’t like confrontations, so I rather walk away and just let it go.
June 10th, 2008 | #
must be very smart when dealing with service providers, espercialy the difficult ones
yes you are very right,
service providers always know what they want in terms of profit and other benefits
anything short of that will not be acceptable
in this case you can only convince them to give up thier expectation if and only if you can propose an option that can offer them better benefits,
you need to realy convince them on the fact that some of the benefits may be long term
i am a buyer and deal with situations like all the time
June 11th, 2008 | #
Very good advice. Many times by asking questions you find out that the customer service rep is not very well informed about important details of operation. This most of the time puts the ball in your court for a reasonable alternative to a solution.
June 11th, 2008 | #
I totally agree with everything in here!
June 11th, 2008 | #
This was quite informative.
June 11th, 2008 | #
I sometimes think that in this world today you also have to look at the fact that some things do require a demand. For example: let’s say you have a class from 9am to 10am and your boss wants to do be to work at 9am, although prior to your hire date you discussed with your boss there would be flexability due to scheduling. Do you really go in and ask permission or give “options” when you’ve already dicussed this “agreement”
June 11th, 2008 | #
i think this is some very good advice to try to convince companys such as credit card companys, and places of this nature
June 11th, 2008 | #
Usually, when i ask question i try and make it clear to the person and if they can’t answer it i ask for a manager
June 11th, 2008 | #
My father uses this technique all the time. It usually ends up with our family getting free things, or something that we would not have been able to get normally if he had not been assertive.
June 11th, 2008 | #
When you work hard for your money or other assets, it is wise to get value for the use of your assets or when spending your money. There is always a way if you are thinking ahead while remaining persistent.
June 11th, 2008 | #
I believe it good to ask good direct question at the right time with polite voice and that bring good answer from whom is ask,than asking too many indirection question with heart of doubt or fear..We always know people at power that time need respect,being him employee staff office,manager or director,once he is the one we have to pass through,he will equal need request and want us to show that,so with good polite question,he wll listen to us and serve us best.
June 12th, 2008 | #
interesting
June 12th, 2008 | #
Thanks for the tip.
June 12th, 2008 | #
Sit down as adults and get your feelings out, listen and give eachother respect and come to some kind of agreement.
June 12th, 2008 | #
People must be “dumb jerks” if they don’t read this…
June 12th, 2008 | #
i believe that if you are dealing with the public, you need to listen to their complaints and let them know how sorry you are about the misunderstanding. most times an honest apology makes people think they are right, then it is easier to fix.
June 12th, 2008 | #
cent percent true
June 12th, 2008 | #
Good info!
June 12th, 2008 | #
I have to agree with mike everyone in some way needs some good advice or a rational explanation.
June 12th, 2008 | #
This was a good article…I believe that this is a professional and good way to get what you want.
June 12th, 2008 | #
I think this is important advice to keep in mind in any sort of issue or conflict. Great article!
June 12th, 2008 | #
I need good advice, thanks
June 12th, 2008 | #
Good info!
June 12th, 2008 | #
thank you
June 12th, 2008 | #
Thanks for the info
June 12th, 2008 | #
great advice!!!!!!!!
June 12th, 2008 | #
this is great stuff!
June 12th, 2008 | #
Very helpful information.
June 12th, 2008 | #
I completely agree with everything said
June 12th, 2008 | #
My mother and grandmother taught me and my sister to always tell the truth. They reminded us that it took many other lies after you tell one, because you have to keep lying to try and stay ahead.
June 12th, 2008 | #
I have never heard this before. Thank you. I will be sure to use it next time I am in a perdicament.
June 12th, 2008 | #
I think being honest is the key which in most cases hard to find.
June 13th, 2008 | #
When people ar honest with each other things go a wholo lot smoother
June 13th, 2008 | #
If you are honest, you don’t have to worry about a thing!
June 13th, 2008 | #
thanx…i needed some advice
June 13th, 2008 | #
I found this amusing, so true! I find it amazing that the truth always sounds different, awkward at best…
June 13th, 2008 | #
I need good advice and this is good advise thanks
June 13th, 2008 | #
Yes its agreat idea which is according to human pshycology and can be apply anywhere
June 13th, 2008 | #
good advice
June 13th, 2008 | #
awsome dude
June 13th, 2008 | #
Good advice is always needed. Very good article. Thanks.
June 13th, 2008 | #
This was a very helpful article!
June 13th, 2008 | #
how to manage my money it seems as though I cant keep up with the bills and spending on the bills is all I do. how can I keep form spending so much on just bills bills bills!!!
June 13th, 2008 | #
You will always know a true friend by the advice they give you.
June 13th, 2008 | #
I agree this is a good way to look at these tpes of situations.
June 13th, 2008 | #
I have seen this happen in the car dealership I worked at all the time.
June 13th, 2008 | #
I had a similar situation, where I was at the gas station purchasing some gas for my aunt, and the gas station clerk over charged me for gas. I didn’t relized it until I got back to the car. I went back in the store and told the clerk and he tried to put up a argument with me when all the time I was right. I just decided to avoid the whole situation I just called the store owner and got my whole refund back and free gas.
June 14th, 2008 | #
treat people the way you want to be treated
June 14th, 2008 | #
I agree with you.
June 14th, 2008 | #
nice advice
June 14th, 2008 | #
I agree, it helps to state your problem and then suggest solutions!
June 14th, 2008 | #
Informative. It is true we are a competitive species. Try to make reflective statements. Not only do they let the other party know your listening and attentive to what they are saying but always make other statements that not only benefit you but make the other party feel “bigger and better”. I understand that your store has a reputation for its outstanding customer services ….etc”
June 16th, 2008 | #
pretty good…
June 16th, 2008 | #
when in doubt, ask your parents/guardian/ someone who cares.
June 16th, 2008 | #
I agree,the best result in any circumstance come with being direct,specific and clear at least the other party will know where the other party stands.
June 16th, 2008 | #
so0o true xD
June 17th, 2008 | #
i understand and agree with everything you are saying.
June 17th, 2008 | #
kool
June 17th, 2008 | #
From my experience as a Supervisor in a medical facility, we have had complaints that we deal with routinely. I can say that, when approached with a problem, complaint, or any other type of issue from a patient, and I have to go to my manager, they always aske me, “What do they want?” This just goes to show that some people are trying to find out what the patient/customer is looking to get out of the conflict. I can also honestly say that if one doesn’t make a point to request something or to give alternatives, then I wouldn’t give anything aside from an apology. So, in conclusion, it is very true that when you confront a person about any type of issue, it is best to provide some options that you are looking to get, otherwise I would assume that the other person is not going to generously offer anything if they don’t feel that they have to. So, I do agree with this method of handling situations like this.
June 17th, 2008 | #
I absolutely agree with you.
June 17th, 2008 | #
That is a great advice. And I agree with you.
June 17th, 2008 | #
Great advice!
June 18th, 2008 | #
I agree. This is a good way to look at these types of situations.
June 19th, 2008 | #
I agree.
June 19th, 2008 | #
I agree!!
June 19th, 2008 | #
Excellent advice. Never thought about those situations in a different way.
June 19th, 2008 | #
totally AGree!!
June 20th, 2008 | #
you are right, similiar things have worked for me
June 23rd, 2008 | #
MONEY MONEY
June 25th, 2008 | #
great advice
June 25th, 2008 | #
this is really some good advice
June 26th, 2008 | #
This article offered good advice
June 26th, 2008 | #
great advice…makes you think.
June 29th, 2008 | #
this is goo d advice it also heps keep your stress levels down.
June 29th, 2008 | #
HMMM….TRUE DAT TRUE DAT.
July 1st, 2008 | #
And you know the place you will get the most grief is a mechanic shop. They have to make money some how.
July 2nd, 2008 | #
Thanks!
July 2nd, 2008 | #
wow this is great advice. It might come in handy in the long run for me. Thanks
July 3rd, 2008 | #
this seems to be sound advice to me.
July 4th, 2008 | #
great advice
July 7th, 2008 | #
I agreed with some of the other comments,
ask questions. Gives a better understanding of things.
July 8th, 2008 | #
You must be very smart when dealing with companys.
July 8th, 2008 | #
I try to think postive and give them postive options
July 9th, 2008 | #
Really good advise!
July 9th, 2008 | #
*advice*
July 9th, 2008 | #
You know?
some times
unlimited has it’s limits!
July 9th, 2008 | #
I appreciate this advice I like it and I will keep it in mind when I have a problem.
July 9th, 2008 | #
good advice thanks
July 11th, 2008 | #
I agree thanks for the info
July 11th, 2008 | #
I got to say that is some pretty good advice.I have learrned that if you let one think that they are given an option then things always work out for the best…cause who likes drama….
July 11th, 2008 | #
thanks very much for the advice, in many instances this has worked very well for me
July 11th, 2008 | #
wow this is really helpful.
July 14th, 2008 | #
yes, The Rules of Fair Fighting, Stating One’s Beef then characterize for the particular situation and speaking in the third person is always a good way to diffuse or not start a fuse, (jic).
July 14th, 2008 | #
Ah, the golden rule rules! Give ‘m an out when so they don’t feel cornered and need to fight.
July 15th, 2008 | #
This is what articles should carry.
July 16th, 2008 | #
thanks for the advice!!
July 16th, 2008 | #
APPRECIATE THE TIP
July 17th, 2008 | #
I find it hard to get through to jerks, but I really don’t let the pressure bother me, because it’s probally not their fault why the are a jerk.
July 17th, 2008 | #
you are absolutely right
July 19th, 2008 | #
this is quite interesting
July 19th, 2008 | #
Next time I feel confused, I will definitely ask questions, even if it might be embarassing to do so.
July 19th, 2008 | #
You have to have common sense when it comes to dealing with certain situations
July 22nd, 2008 | #
Is common sense something you have to be born with right on time with the advice.
July 23rd, 2008 | #
I found this information helpful dealing with difficult people.
July 23rd, 2008 | #
I always ask more then one person for the right answer. Great advice when you are dealing with people
July 24th, 2008 | #
I am an “ask before everything” person!
July 27th, 2008 | #
Great Information.
July 28th, 2008 | #
wow awesome article
July 29th, 2008 | #
GREAT IDEA. I WILL TRY THIS NEXT TIME.
July 30th, 2008 | #
good advice
July 31st, 2008 | #
This advice can be used in several situtions. For instace, i am currently in the process of purchasing a car to get me back and forth during college. As many people know, purchasing anything is hard wile in college, esecially when you plan to take out a loan to do so. This situaion has me stressed to my boiling point, and a lot of negotiating is required for my personal satisfaction along with the satisfaction of my parents and the dealer. Instead of demanding what i think is the correct amount i should borrow/pay, or the answer i should recieve form my parents, i will now go about my situation in an entirly different way. The powers of negotiation.
July 31st, 2008 | #
THIS MUST TAKE A LOT OF PATIENCE TO BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS.
July 31st, 2008 | #
When people give me their word, I expect them to stand by it. People make mistakes all the time, but they should be honorable enough to admit their errors and correct them.
July 31st, 2008 | #
this is practical advice indeed
July 31st, 2008 | #
Great advice I would always ask a lot og questions
July 31st, 2008 | #
there are many questions i want to ask regarding this matter.
July 31st, 2008 | #
thas so true I can rela
te
August 6th, 2008 | #
My mom is the type of person who does all of that. I get angry and can’t seem to say what I want to the people who need saying to. But I’m learning, and this is valuable information.
August 7th, 2008 | #
My mom has told me that the customer is always right, but I have found out that most companies don’t feel this way. It is good to always have an out so they don’t feel they lost, but also you do have the right to have things corrected that they did wrong!!!
August 7th, 2008 | #
I agree. Some companies always say the customer is right and that is the way its supposed to be for all companies but they do not all do it. But they should.
August 7th, 2008 | #
good advise,thank you very much
August 8th, 2008 | #
How can you find the answers to anything without asking questions? Not everyone wants to be lead.
August 8th, 2008 | #
thanks
August 10th, 2008 | #
This makes sense
August 16th, 2008 | #
INTERESTING.
August 19th, 2008 | #
Always ask!
August 24th, 2008 | #
interesting article
August 28th, 2008 | #
Oh so true…
August 30th, 2008 | #
Thanks for the advice!
September 3rd, 2008 | #
SOMETIMES THATS HARD TO DO BUT ITS GOOD ADVICE.
September 4th, 2008 | #